it was like his penis was on wheels.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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