were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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