Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
