I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
