If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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