All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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