...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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