i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize