alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
