if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
