So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
