I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
