Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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