if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize