my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
