I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
