got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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