I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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