So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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