i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
