Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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