a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
