He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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