i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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