This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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