she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
