I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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