I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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