So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
