Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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