That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
