I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
