how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
