Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
