After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
