The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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