16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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