Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
