Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
