he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize