I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
