I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
