Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
