You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
