your room smells of hookers.
And success
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize