Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
