it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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