yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
