I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
