The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
