dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
