One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
