the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
