i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
