Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
