I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
