Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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