Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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