So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize