A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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