its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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