I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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