If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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