even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
