Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
