I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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