I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
