Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
